Tales From An Alternate Reality

The Ultimate Loser
Idol Mini | week 7 | 1000 words
Hikikomori (basement dweller)

x-x-x-x-x

Abe put the controller down and shifted in his seat. It felt like his butt had started to merge with the sofa, or maybe it had just fallen asleep. How long had he been sitting here?

Long enough, apparently, to force both Maureen and Lance through their journeys at least four times. With each new round, he watched to see if they would make better choices, but somehow, they never did. Stupid AND boring, he thought. What a pair of losers.

Something on the sofa slid down toward him, smelling of old pizza. Ugh. It stinks down here. He was surrounded by dirty dishes and half-eaten food, and he had no one to blame but himself.

There were other things he could have been doing--that point was not lost on him. And the upstairs door could also open any minute now, and then his father would stick his head in and start haranguing Abe about priorities and life plans, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. As if Abe hadn't heard those same lectures a million times already! He knew what he was supposed to do, but he just didn’t want to. And yes, he also knew he was being immature.

He got up and paced around the room, feeling restless and vaguely dissatisfied. As he passed the wet bar, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

Wow. Boy, he had really let himself go. He thought about cleaning himself up a bit– especially his beard, which looked like a tumbleweed. He used to take such pride in his appearance. But he almost never went out anymore, and no one ever came down to visit him. That was beneath them.

The more he thought about it, the more resentful he became.

His console dinged with a communique. It was his brother, Barry, trolling him again.

“So, have you gotten over yourself yet?” the message read. “Aren’t you tired of the whole weird hermit thing? We had a feast tonight, and you missed it. Again.”

Abe searched for an eloquent response, and finally settled on, “Bite me.”

He sat down and picked up the controller again. Changing to a new setup, he watched a knight travel the countryside, where challenge and fortune awaited him. When the time came, would the knight choose to save the villagers, or would he keep pursuing riches and treasure? Abe turned up the music and settled in for the long haul.

It wasn’t that he was afraid of responsibility, exactly. Though if he screwed up what he was doing right now, it wouldn’t matter. There was no pressure.

It was lonely, that was true. Depressing even. But change was hard.

He scratched his beard, and thought about ordering in some food. That was another thing: he sometimes missed having those get-togethers with his family, but he sure didn’t miss the food. He loved heat and spice, and his family’s palate was blander than a Midwestern mayonnaise festival. And the menu seldom varied. Where was the fun in that?

He decided on Thai food, and placed an order. Then he searched for a new scenario to run.

Soldiers, evil nuns, con men, Lotharios, real estate magnates, circus clowns… he’d been playing for so long, they all kind of seemed alike. Yes, the clowns were creepier and more vivid, and the soldiers were angrier and bloodier. But they all had the same, dull shortcomings underneath.

He heard thudding up above, and sure enough, there went the door.

“Silence that noise! I cannot hear myself think!”

“Sorry,” Abe said. He adjusted the volume.

“I cannot believe you’re still down there, after all this time. Don’t you want to be more than this? Don’t you want to even try?”

“I’ve thought about it,” Abe admitted.

“All you need to do is apologize. Is that really so hard?”

“Yes!” Abe said. “It’s harder than ever. Why do I have to have a job? Michael doesn’t have a job!” Michael, the perfect son, he thought bitterly.

“It is to help you learn and grow. I had hoped it would make a difference.”

“Help?” Abe said. “Help how? What am I supposed to learn from the worthless lives of these flawed mortals? Your creation stinks!”

“Abaddon!” God roared.

“Well, it does. They’re stupid and nasty and selfish. I still don’t understand why you made them!”

“Not all are as you describe them. And they have the capacity to be more, so much more. If only you would believe that!”

“If you wanted me to cherish and admire humans, maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to have me spend all my time with the bad ones!” Abe fumed.

“It is your punishment for your defiance. How can you not see that?”

“Because it proves my point!”

“Abbadon,” God sighed. “You are only hurting yourself.”

“So you’ve said, Father. So you’ve said.”

“Perhaps in another few years, you will feel differently. Your brothers and I hope so. It is never too late to change.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Say ‘Hello’ to everyone for me…”

The door closed, and Abe sighed. He was tired of the impasse, but he still believed he was right. Humans were a hopeless bunch of losers, an infestation that needed to be purged. How could he possibly think otherwise, when he continually witnessed their ineptitude?

His food appeared on the coffee table, but even the wonderful aroma couldn’t lift his mood.

He sat down on his filthy sofa, and prepared to begin the journey of another awful person making wicked choices. Not Maureen and Larry, though. He’d had enough of them for a while.

Maybe some time in the lake of fire will make them reconsider their decisions…

He turned the music back up, that music being the screams and moans of the Damned piped in directly from the Pit.

Then he took up his controller again, loaded the program, and pressed “Play.” Thus began the next cycle of degeneracy: the adventures of a corrupt politician and all of the evil he embraced.


–/–

In some interpretations, Abaddon was the original name of the fallen angel who became the Devil. His brothers included Michael and Barachiel (Barry).

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